I have danced with chronic shame for decades. 
It’s familiar. 
My journey from less shame to more love had lots of support. 

The first significant transition was when I started to identify shame. Prior to that it was just how I was and I had no sense of something otherwise. Depressed on a couch certain that turning my cats loose on the street would be better than living with me - (just one example)

Eventually, a metaphor arose: The Enchanted Shame Forrest. . . 
a place where I would unknowingly wander into. 
Then the awareness would come, 
but I was already soooo deep in the forest, 
convinced how shitty I was, 
seeing everything I was or I had done as evidence for how shitty I was.
I was enchanted by the shame demons of the Enchanted Shame Forest.
A helpless victim of shame.
Weepy and needing to hide from the world and friends. 
It could take weeks to incrementally work my way back out. 

The path into the Enchanted Shame Forest was well worn, probably started by my ancestors.
A way to make myself smaller and protect myself. 

Then, with help of a skilled practitioners, I started to learn: 
“I am shaming myself"

ugh, this was challenging to accept.
I was angry and defensive. 
BUT, ultimately this was a HUGE gift.
Like a golden key that unlocked the prison of victimhood and helplessness. 
If I was doing this to myself, I could stop doing it and make another choice. 
Incrementally, one small courageous act of choice and acton after another, I was stepping into empowerment and out of victimhood. 

Today, I can recognize when I’m headed to the Enchanted Shame Forest, long before I'm lost in it’s depths. . .
Lots of support and devotion to practices which created inner awareness, and devotion to cultivating the skills needed in order to recognize, stop, and make a new choice. 

Today I live much more of my time in the quality of Love than in the quality of shame. 

The Journey and work of awareness, skill building, and commitment to overcome the compelling draw of the familiarity of shame has been a gift. 
What is familiar can feel “comfortable” even if it no longer serves life.

When I see others caught in shame, self-condemnation, or un-worthiness,
I feel great compassion. 
AND, I KNOW it IS possible to escape these ways of being that have been handed down to us. 
I KNOW it is totally possible to move away from what is painful and familiar into something so much more joyful and life-giving. 

Seek out supportive communities and practitioners. 
You can do this too! 
Call on your inner strength and resilience - it’s there and it’s your birthright!  

And, please know I am available to accompany and support you or others on your courageous journeys into more LOVE and less shame.
I bring a toolbox of energetic support, skills and practices to
liberate yourself!!

Your Liberation is a GIFT to You, Your Loved Ones AND the World!

For the last 4 months I’ve been in a class that is exploring intimate relationships. One of the capacities we are playing with is the capacity to be present to my internal data (sensations, emotions, thoughts) while simultaneously being present to the environment and another person (their body language, emotions, words, etc). Can I hold both the fullness of who I am AND the fullness of who you are? Can I notice when I have given more attention to one than the other?
 
For me this is a fascinating exploration. Sometimes I can be so aware of the other person but I’ve lost track of my own experience and needs. And sometimes my attention is consumed with my internal data leaving no space for another person to land in me. And between these two extremes are many variations.  
 
The trick is to remember, none of these experiences are wrong. Nothing is wrong. With  awareness and a willingness to notice what is happening new possibilities arise.
 
This is another reason I LOVE InterPlay. We play and then we take a moment to reflect. Since we are playing, the stakes are low. Although we take time to reflect on what we just created, we are not occupying our minds with an effort to fix anything. When we are not trying to fix something, our internal radar has more capacity. When we have more capacity on our internal radar, new possibilities can show up on our radar. Once new possibilities show up on our internal radar, we have more choices. This is the experience of freedom…freedom from the limits of our habitual way of being.
 
Again, there is nothing wrong. Nothing wrong with our habitual ways of being. All of our habits have served us in one way or another. And, sometimes, we outgrow their usefulness or just want something different. Creating room on the internal radar makes space for new possibilities. And InterPlay is a sneaky way to make room on our radar for new possibilities. 
 

Life is living us. 
Sometimes in ways which we appreciate. 
Other times we may find ourselves challenged and resist the flow of what is happening. That resistance can be felt in our physical body as tension, or dullness. Resistance can show up as emotions that don't feel so good. It also shows up in our mental body with thoughts like "this isn't how it's suppose to be" or "if only it were different in this (or that) way, then....." 

Recently a dear friend turned me on to a band called Cloud Cult. I've been listening to a couple of their albums. I am enjoying their lyrics as well as their musical range. Here is an example of one of the lyrics I enjoy:

You know you are as small as the things you let annoy you.
And you know you are gigantic as the things that you adore.
Some days you give thanks.
Some days you give the finger.
It's a complicated Creation. 

We are all both gigantic and small. We are all creating.
Whether you've been giving thanks, or giving the finger or a little of both, perhaps it's all okay just as it is. Nothing is broken or wrong, you just have circumstances (internal and/or external) to navigate. 
If we don't like the results, we can course correct, choose another approach and see what happens. 
Play with it. What have we got to lose?

I InterPlay to develop the muscles of playing with what arises, to develop the muscles of curiosity and inquiry, to develop the muscles of holding things lightly, to develop the muscle of dancing through life. It's not that these are the right qualities and other qualities are bad. It's that these qualities lead to results that I prefer, with more creativity, ease and freedom. And if I want more of the results I prefer, I need to create the conditions where those preferred outcomes are more likely to happen. Playing is the best way I've found to to develop a body groove for Grace.